The Secret to Having It All

The Secret to Having It All

Have you ever been on social media, scrolled though your feed then felt completely envious of your social media friends?

You know, the friend who just ran a marathon?

Or the friend who just came back from a month-long Euro-trip?

Or the friend who is extremely fit and finds time to workout everyday?

Or the friend who works a 9-to-5 job and has young children but manages to have an immaculately spotless house and prepare a home-cooked meal for her family every night?

The friends who make you look at your own life and think, “Man, I want all of that! Why can’t I be more like them?”

I’m definitely guilty of doing this. I go through this process where I start wondering what secret sauce these ladies use to be able to do all the great things that they do in their busy lives. I get a little whiny and start wishing that I knew what that secret sauce was so I could use it in my own life.

Then I eventually realize that I already know what that secret sauce to having it all is. In all the self-help books I’ve read, all the live-your-best-life podcasts I’ve listened to, all the productivity blogs I’ve visited, I’ve figured out what I needed to do to have this seemingly unattainable ‘all’ in my life.

You wanna know how? It’s pretty simple.

The first thing that needs to be done is to remember that all your friends are different. They have different lives, different needs, different situations. Their set-ups are not your set-up. You may have many things in common with them but at the end of the day, it doesn’t make sense to compare what they have going on with what you have going on. Even if you have the same number of kids, your spouses are exactly alike, you both work in Corporate America, you are still different people with different wants and needs. Comparing your life with theirs will only drive you insane.

The second and most important thing to do is to redefine what ‘having it all’ means to you. Redefine what that ‘all’ is. Maybe your house is not super-clean all the time but if you’re not suffering from CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. A Flylady term. Read all about it here) and you have a roof over your head, I’d say you’re doing ok. If you aren’t actually cooking a wholesome meal from your kitchen every single night but your little humans are still, in fact eating, then you are doing ok. If you don’t have the body of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model but you do take time to stay active and take care of your physical being, then you are doing ok.

Look, I’m not trying to oversimplify things or make light of this matter. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t all dream or strive for more.

All I’m saying is that if we start by being grateful for what we actually do have in our lives instead of lamenting over what we don’t have, we’ll put a stop to that stinkin’ thinkin’ that we must be doing something wrong because we don’t “have it all”. With this positive view of our lives, we’ll be in a better mindset to start checking things off our bucket lists and reach for other goals and dreams. If for some reason we fall short, we remember that we still have much to be thankful in our lives then we dust ourselves off and try again.

In a nutshell, the secret sauce to having it all is to believe that you already do have it all.


  • Jessi says:

    I love this. I am for sure guilty of this as well. One thing that helps me to remember is that we only put on social media the things that are the best, what we want others to see. It is a small edited clip of our lives. Those happy kids in that picture? Screaming just like yours 5 minutes later.

    • mylee says:

      Great point! I don’t know how many times I’ve taken a picture in my house then immediately re-taking it in a cleaner, more presentable part of my house. 🙂

  • Kate A says:

    I am absolutely guilty of ‘the grass is always greener’ mindset, especially when checking in with friend’s updates on social media. This is a great reminder to me to consciously reframe my perspective. Thank you for sharing.

    • mylee says:

      I’ve heard it said that the grass is always greener on the other side because it’s probably being watered. 🙂 Something I have to tell myself when I feel my inner green-eyed monster coming out.

  • maria criselda maquiling says:

    i am also guilty of thinking that others have it all when i scroll through my Facebook feed. Sometimes it helps having an fb detox =) but i do keep in mind that Facebook is our filtered lives for everyone to view. But knowing that fact doesn’t make it easier to feel okay about it. But there are days when I do believe that I do have it all already

    • mylee says:

      I like the idea of a FB detox. 🙂 I’ve actually been on a mini-FB detox… not that I don’t check in anymore but just that I check in less. It’s actually done wonders for my productivity!

  • Jaclyn Bree says:

    I avoid my social media feed for anything personal! I find it’s easier to focus on my life and my family’s needs when I’m not bombarded with the lives of people that I might actually barely know. Happiness is relative. I think I’m pretty happy. But if I start looking at how other people are living, I will inevitably find things that I would like but don’t or can’t have. Then I will not be happy because now something is missing.

  • Susan Croox says:

    Love it! I wrote a post about comparing ourselves to others also, and how dumb it is because we are all different! Contentment is a huge goal of mine. Still working on it!

    • mylee says:

      It’s totally dumb and I hate when I allow myself to do it. Definitely still trying to avoid it. Some days are harder than others but we have to keep trying, right? 🙂

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I’m a happiness-seeker and a self-improvement junkie who admits to sometimes indulging in a bit of navel-gazing but also engages in behavior motivated purely by altruism. Follow along with me and together we’ll find your path to happy one smile at a time.

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